Today has been difficult, frustrating, overwhelming and I don’t know why. Admittedly, a lot has been going on personally and professionally that is weighing on me emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. Yesterday, I spent a wonderful day with my daughter and aunt, celebrating my aunt’s 80th birthday at the shore, wandering in shops, eating lunch, walking in the sunshine, watching the ocean, and even playing arcade games. It was a lovely respite. But, today my brain overloaded and I just put my head in my hands and leaned into prayer. My part-time Ebay business to help make ends meet while Go Godly is coming together has sputtered into a very sluggish endeavor where there is much to do and little being made lately. And while it has been helpful the last two months of horrific sales has been concerning and even a bit upsetting. Those that know say it’s an algorithm, and I just wish Ebay would fix it and stop messing about. Meanwhile, the process of morphing the curriculum for Go Godly from their original form into a form that works in a video game environment is far more complex than I had hoped and on days like today, when I try to figure out all the working parts, I just feel so overwhelmed. Then when we pile on the worrisome things, I just hit a wall. Today, I hit it hard. So, I prayed for help. Something anything. I sat quietly listening for some guidance, some help, some insight, some release. What I got from God is often what I get. I single word: HEVEL

Now to those unfamiliar, this is a word that is found in Ecclesiastes although most recent translations have opted for more Anglicized words like futile, meaningless or vanity. This book is not for the faint of heart, nor do I recommend new believers or those suffering from depression or struggles in their faith head there for the next bible study. Ecclesiastes, at first read, is a very depressing read. This book has Solomon and “the teacher” discussing the deeper meaning of life. Although Solomon is not mentioned and much is made of who the teacher is and if it is even written by Solomon, that is the general consensus. In Ecclesiastes 1:2 the teacher or preacher says “Hevel, Hevel, it is all utterly Hevel”

So, hevel as an answer to five years of hard work on Go Godly and all the time and effort into the Ebay business, and the other issues that I have faith that God can work through and provide healing for, or resolution or bring peace to…well, to be honest, I had to bite my lip a bit here. You don’t want to yell “What the heck does that mean?” at God. To be fair, I know that although God’s answers are usually short, sweet and to the point, they are always right, always what I need and always revealed. So, as I contemplated all I know about Hevel, the Holy Spirit revealed the big and little of the things we see and how we see and the things we don’t and what really matters.

Hevel, although translated as meaningless, vanity, and futility. Much study of Ecclesiastes has revealed that it is more like vapor or breath or something we can see but cannot actually grasp, like dust in the wind. Dust in the wind is where the Holy Spirit kicked in as the song of the same name by Kansas floated around in my brain.

Dust in the wind is nothing to us, meaningless. Yet dust in God’s hands becomes a man. Dust with God’s command forms a mountain. Dust under God’s creativity becomes a solar system. Dust when God uses is is a clay by which we can create pottery. Dust is the ground upon which we walk and from which all life giving food grows. Dust particles and water particles create rainbows. Dust in the wind, shifts and moves and doesn’t have shape, until God demands that it must. The things we think matter don’t matter. We worry about things, money, possessions and not one of those things can we take with us beyond this lifetime. Sure things make life more comfortable, money makes life easier (sometimes), but things are what keep us further away from God. Worries over loss of things replaces faith in the God who provides all things.

Solomon had all the riches in the world and was the wisest man as well, yet he had 100’s of wives which he collected trying to stay away from having to battle to protect his land and people from these other countries around them. His fear drove him into wedding treaties, and his wives drew him to build an idol to a false god. So wisdom and money are not synonymous with amazing faith apparently. As I read Ecclesiastes, I tend to think the “teacher” who is talking in this to Solomon is God. Pointing out to him that He is in control and always has been. All the riches – hevel. All the power – hevel. All the wisdom – hevel (if not accompanied by faith). Nothing matters that you think matters. So, while I regroup and scatter the dust back into the wind and let God redirect me to that which matters to him. I have a new appreciation for dust. I still wish it would stay in the wind and off my furniture. It is all hevel – unless God’s hand touches it. Then like all things God does – it is glorious!!